Why Are You Angry?

As you go about your daily life, take notice of how you relate with your family, friends, and co-workers. What do you see – a kind, patient, caring person who goes out of her way to take other people’s feelings into consideration?

Or do you find that you often feel on edge, tense, in a hurry, or downright angry toward others?

If the latter is the case, this article will help you focus on and clarify the source of your anger. Once you identify what’s making you mad, you can proceed to a solution.

Consider these possible reasons for carrying around your anger:

1. You wish your life situation were different. Are you living the life you truly want to live? Have things turned out for you the way you always hoped or planned? Or are the specifics of your life astoundingly different and maybe even disappointing from what you want your life to truly be?

• Pick one thing you want to change and make a plan to change it. Follow your plan. Then repeat, for just one thing at a time. Focusing on all of your disappointments can be overwhelming and discouraging.

2. You’re in an unhappy relationship. It’s hard to block out the negativity and tension that can come from a contentious relationship, especially if it you come home to the person each night. You might have even “checked out” of the relationship emotionally. You’re not quite sure how to change things so you simply get angry.

3. You struggle to resolve an issue from your youth. You find yourself often thinking of your dysfunctional family or how growing up the way you did seems to mark every day of your life. Why did your father have to be an alcoholic? How did your brother think it was okay to pick on you all those years?

• Unresolved family-of-origin issues often trigger angry feelings, especially if they are replayed in real time. This is where having an objective person like a therapist can help you process some of these old hurts so they don’t continue to intrude on your current life.

4. You’re disgusted at yourself for letting yourself go. You used to work out and keep your yourself in shape. But now, you wear floppy, too-big t-shirts to hide how out-of-shape you are. You grab a fast-food meal on the way home from work and crash out on the sofa when you get home.

5. You’ve become a person you don’t know anymore. Your life is on a path that you’re unhappy with, yet you’re confused about how to change it. You care less and less about how you treat others, even those you love. You’re getting angrier every day.

• Recognize that you have the power to make any change you want.

6. You or someone close to you suffered a trauma. Whenever a trauma occurs, the person’s feelings are initially panic, fear, and maybe horror. When the traumatic event ends, confusing and troubling feelings remain.

• You might think, “Why did it have to happen?” It’s difficult to accept that such a troubling event could occur. But it did. It makes you feel angry at the world. One choice to move forward is to seek professional help.

If you find yourself feeling frequently annoyed, aggravated and angry, it’s probably time to reflect on what’s beneath the anger. Determining why you’re angry can help you process the negativity and diffuse your anger.