Love is the force that binds us, one to another. A husband’s love for his wife, a mother’s love for her child, the love shared by siblings, the love of lifelong friendships — these are the ties that define us as human beings. Love gives us the courage to persevere in the face of life’s challenges. It gives us the resilience to bounce back from disappointments and comforts us in times of tragedy. Love adds sweetness to life’s successes and allows us to share its joys. What’s love got to do with life? Everything!
So, what happens when love ends? When a spouse or partner dies? Or love crashes on the jagged reef of divorce? The loss of love can have dangerous mental and physical repercussions that exact a toll beyond normal grief. A new study found that the lingering stress caused by the loss of a spouse or partner to death or divorce increased the risk of chronic illness. Men and women who were divorced or widowed were 20% more likely than married people to develop heart disease, diabetes or cancer, according to a recent survey of 8,600 adults from 51 to 61 years old by University of Chicago researchers.
The ending of a long-term relationship, whether from death or divorce, “really destroys financial assets, and it destroys health assets in the same way,” said University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, a co-author of the study. Financial strain, loneliness and uncertainty about the future create significant emotional stress. For some, the necessity of moving into more affordable housing or housing that is physically easier to maintain adds additional loss to their grief. Divorcing couples must cope with their children’s feelings of loss as well as their own. The duties once shared by two parents can feel overwhelming when only one parent is shouldering the burden. Combined, these things add to the burden of grief that follows the loss of a loved one, creating a persistent, overwhelming feeling of stress.
Over time, continuous stress erodes both our physical and mental health. Stress from grief or marital strife weakens the immune system, making us more susceptible to chronic disease, depression and anxiety. Strengthening existing relationships and building new relationships can help ease the strain, but some people will need professional psychiatric help to weather the storm and deal with their loss.
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