Do You Have it? How To Change It.
According to a hit song from the 1970s, “Good girls don’t.” Unfortunately, many women fall victim to this negative attitude, resulting in personal unhappiness and lack of fulfillment.
Do you find yourself falling into the good girl syndrome? Here’s a look at common symptoms and how to break free from the trap.
What Defines a “Good Girl?”
The seeds of good girl syndrome are frequently sown in childhood. According to a Stanford University study, desirable traits in women include warmth, loyalty and cheerfulness, while men are expected to be assertive, independent and dominant. Many parents nurture these corresponding characteristics in their sons and daughters.
While parents want the best for their children, they place a high value on being accepted by society. In the case of daughters, parents mistakenly put an emphasis on attaining goals by being a people-pleaser.
Behaviors in “good girls” usually includes:
- Fear of disappointing others
- Desire for perfection
- Obedience to rules
- Reluctance to speak up
Ultimately, subverting your own feelings and goals is a recipe for disaster. “Good girls” who accommodate the wishes of others before their own end up feeling frustrated and resentful.
Breaking the Cycle
Yes, good girl syndrome can be beat. As with most habits that have built up over several years, changing this behavior calls for determination and focus.
Here are some helpful tips:
- Change is uncomfortable, but it can also be exciting. Concentrate on how rewarding your life will be when you start caring for yourself first.
- Be clear and direct. Don’t be afraid to speak up about what you will and won’t accept. Remember that you can be assertive while also being kind and patient.
- Commit to your own individual values and principles. When you operate from a solid foundation, your behavior will be organic and natural.
- Don’t feel pressured to say yes to everyone. It’s fine to help others as long as it doesn’t interfere with your own needs or exceed your capabilities in terms of time and effort.
Dr. Marks,
I’ve struggled with the need to please others for years. It’s had such an impact as to how I maintain relationships and I’ve actually found myself push others away due to not wanting to displease or let others down. I really enjoy reading and listening to your content. Thank you!