Here is a tip to better communicate with the person who has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Even if you don’t know if the person you’re speaking with has ADHD, this can still help you keep people’s attention.
The tip is to start with the point, then explain or give more details afterward. You may fear that if you make a statement that sums up your point early, the person will tune you out for the rest of the story. But a person with a compromised attention span needs to know the context of the details.
In the internet world of storytelling, people often like to set up the story and build suspense. That’s nice, but the person with attention problems may spend the whole time wondering, “where’s this going?” If that’s what they’re thinking, they are not paying attention to your beautiful story buildup. Then when you get to the point, they need to mentally rewind to see how the details you gave them apply to the point you just made.
You can see this problem when you build up a story, and as soon as you make the point, the person asks questions about details you already gave them.
Here’s an example to illustrate using Storyteller Sam and Listener Lucy.
Sam: “Guess what happened to me today?”
Lucy: “What?”
Sam: “Remember I told you I needed to new phone case?”
Lucy: “Yeah.” [thinking, did he get a new case?]
Sam: “Well, I went to Walmart to get the case, and it was super crowded…”
Lucy: [thinking did he get the case at another store?]
No Lucy. The phone case is a minor detail that starts the story. But Lucy is distracted by this fact and is only half paying attention to the rest of the story.
Alternate approach
Sam: “Guess what happened to me today?”
Lucy: “What?”
Sam: “I got a job offer. But it happened in the weirdest way. Remember I told you I needed a new phone case?…”
Now, Lucy knows where this is going, and she will be more interested in knowing how making a trip to Walmart led to a job offer.
If you find that someone you often communicate with has trouble following you, change how you communicate with them to make your point first, then fill in the missing details.
If you are the one who has trouble following people, try to get the person to tell you the answer first. You could say something like,
“Sorry to interrupt, but it would help me a lot if you told me how this story ends first, then back up and tell me the details. I promise I want to hear the details, but knowing the context will help me appreciate the details much better.”
Of course, this works better with someone with whom you’re familiar and frequently communicate. A stranger may be offended by the interruption or put off and think you’re to control how they communicate.
Give this a try, whether you’re Sam or Lucy.
Need more tips on managing ADHD? Watch this series on skills training.
I can’t tell you how much this resonates with me. I am ADD and often find myself listening to my partners stories restraining myself from guessing aloud where she may be going with it. In my head I often imagine myself rolling my hands in front of me as an indicator to speed things up or get to the point. This is helpful to inform those speaking to persons, such as myself. It is also useful to the individual with ADD. I have found that making these realizations can help me manage or mitigate these frustrating situations. Sometimes just understanding what is happening can make all the difference. Thank you.
This is both extremely helpful, and very telling! I have ADD and get quite impatient and distracted with folks when it takes too long for them to fast forward. That said, your tip just opened my eyes greatly to why my husband spaces off when I share! I am going to get right on this!!
I hope it works well for you Gidget. My husband does the same thing and sometimes just jumps ahead to guess my conclusion (most of the time he’s wrong like Lucy in the example). So I have to remind myself to do this more with him too. ?