Can Too Much Hustle Make You Manic?

This video is based on a viewer question from Rena. It’s a long question that I’ve shortened.

Here’s the gist: Rena feels she can’t do the things she used to do because of her bipolar illness. Essentially, she feels held back because she fears going hard the way she usually does will trigger a manic episode.

Here’s how she asked the question. 

For YEARS I built my life into developing myself into a media mogul focusing on eco-conscious innovators and entrepreneurs, and for a very short time had some great success, including having a public-access/cable TV show with several pilot episodes, and a number of websites that I was building up with online courses, networking events and other social media platforms. Over the years, my involvement in building this “business” took a toll on my marriage, leading to divorce, put a strain on my family, mainly because they didn’t believe I’d be very successful and thought I should get a “real job”

Rena had a series of negative things happen that led to divorce, losing her job and losing her home.

She goes on to say

I had my first manic episode, at which time I was hospitalized and at that time I got my official diagnosis of BP1. I was 35 at this time. Now that I am stable and medicated, I’m afraid of stepping back into a limelight of any kind. Right now, my life is easy. I’m poor financially, but rich in time.

I fear that if I change anything, get more goal-oriented, put myself out there, get back into the “game”, that I may have a manic episode again; fry my brain again and end up in the hospital, and maybe not be able to recover as well as I have now. I feel that I have totally self-stigmatized myself into stability, and I don’t see myself growing out of this disorder and getting back in the bandwagon as I once had. It’s both heart-breaking, and relieving at the same time. As I’m sure you know, producing media is a hustle, and I’m no longer sure of myself as I once was because I accept that I am BP. Could you speak to that part of us that struggles with what we thought was real for us before our diagnosis and what should be reality for us in the society and status-quo we live in, now that we’re categorized as a stigmatized population here in the US.

To clarify, I asked:

Are you saying that your bipolar disorder holds you back from hustling because you fear if you become too intense about what you do it could push you into mania?

She said:

Yes, exactly. I recognized after being diagnosed that much of what I’d done to achieve the successes I’d had before diagnosis were possible because I was unconsciously experiencing the symptoms of BP1; racing ideas, grandiose thinking, sleeplessness/restlessness, having the expectation that others should know I’m a genius, planning for expansion of success before understanding the reality and hard work it takes to convince others you have talent and know what you’re talking about.

So, yes, I have the fear that I may have an episode if I go back to trying to pursue the life I’d lived before my diagnosis. How can I deal with this fear? Would it just be better/smarter to move on and focus on the present moment and not try to push myself?

My Answer

This question brings out some important points when it comes to managing your ambitions and also addresses a fear that’s unique to an illness that changes your perception and make you lose touch with reality.

Some people grapple with the idea that the mania allowed you to do things that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to do because of the super energy and amped up outlook you have that lets you achieve all these things. Once you crash and burn, you’re left thinking about what happened and the kind of person you became when you were on fire and rising to the top.

You may ask yourself, what that really you or was it a fake you, that you need to say goodbye to because it’s a dangerous state to be in?

Severe mania can be so destructive and disruptive that it can be devastating for people when they come down from it. First of all because there’s often a big mess to clean up of things did or neglected while you were manic. But secondly if you get to the point of being delusional, it’s devastating to feel like you lost your mind and  you couldn’t control your thoughts. 

It can really take a hit to your self-esteem and make you feel very insecure. I’ve had people say to me I didn’t know I could think that way. How do I know I won’t get like that again? They can become like Rena and be afraid to do anything that could push them to close to that edge.

So that’s the conflict that Rena is talking about. If she plays it safe to keep from going too close to the edge, she feels trapped in a stale existence that’s not giving her as much fulfillment. On the flip side, she’s stable and that’s a good thing.

But it feels like life on autopilot.

My thoughts on this:

You can’t produce mania simply by being ambitious. You can have grand ambitions as part of your baseline personality.

Mania is an emotional state that increases your energy and impairs your judgment and impulse control. And that’s the state of mind that takes your baseline ambitions and grows it to a grandiose and unrealistic level.

Mania is part of bipolar disorder and is not something that just happens because you work really hard. So, in Rena’s case it sounds like her first manifestation of the illness was mania. Mania fueled the hustle that helped build her business. She didn’t get bipolar disorder because she was building a business. Some of the things she did to build the business, may have been a byproduct of her being manic at the time. She built the business over the years, but it may be that the mania creeped in later on in the process.

Since she still has a desire to return to that business, I doubt that the business only happened because she was manic. Usually business ideas that arise only out of a manic episode don’t survive the aftermath of mania. In other words, once you’re back to your normal way of thinking, you don’t want to return to that idea because you realize it was something that wasn’t realistic. 

This speaks to the issue of how you tell the difference between something you did only because you’re manic and something you would normally do, but the mania allowed you do it faster, better or more.

As for returning to media work, having bipolar disorder should not mean you can’t pursue your interests. But it does mean you have to set limits on how much you work and you have to prioritize your self-care. With bipolar disorder it’s important to stay on your treatment regimen and make sure you have good sleep hygiene so that you can get consistent sleep.

These limitations may make it harder to do certain types of work. For example, it would not be in your best interest to work in a job that required you to be awake for 24 to 36 hours at a time.  Also you wouldn’t want to take a job that would not allow you to be able to take medication or see your doctor because you have to travel out of the country for six months at a time. These are just examples of how your disorder create some limitations on the kind of work you do.

So if the only way that you can work in media is to do you things that make you not sleep for days, not take your medication, not follow up with your doctor’s appointments and not eat healthy, then I’d say that’s not the best kind of work for you.

Building a business is demanding, but maybe it doesn’t require you to fry your brain to be successful. The brain frying comes from the shortcuts you take to get where you want to go – maybe faster than you need to go. If you step it back to accommodate your need for self-care, then maybe the outcome is that you grow slower. But slow growth is still growth.

Also being excited about your work and having lots of ideas doesn’t mean you’re manic or will become manic because you’re just so excited. The over-the-top grandiose ideas come from the mania that descends upon you and takes what you’re already doing or thinking to another level.

If you’re afraid that will happen, the workaround to that is to stay in treatment and also be aware of your early signs that you’re becoming manic.

Here’s a video on the manic prodrome where I talk about recognizing early signs of mania so that you and your doctor can make an intervention to keep it from escalating and becoming mania.