Regardless of where you live, your social status, or your occupation, if you’re a human being you’re likely either involved in a close relationship or hoping to get into or out of one. The human condition is such that we strive to develop a close emotional connection.
You’ll probably experience times when you’re with someone who wants to leave the relationship. Those words, “It’s over,” can be some of the most painful words you’ll ever hear.
These suggestions will help you cope with the loss of a love relationship:
1. Acknowledge that the relationship has ended. You might have difficulty with the idea that you won’t be seeing or spending time with the person anymore. Admit to yourself that however you feel about him, it’s over.
2. Process what happened. This step will be emotionally challenging, yet going through your “emotional file cabinet” of what has gone on in the relationship will ultimately help you get through the break-up. From your point of view, what happened?
3. Ponder how the two of you related. It’s especially important to evaluate how you communicated with each other.
• How did you get along? Were there times you couldn’t adequately convey your thoughts and needs? Or that he couldn’t convey his ideas and wants to you?
4. Be honest about what didn’t work between you. Although you might tend to get caught up in the emotional pain and angst of the ending of a relationship, it’s important to have your eyes wide open regarding the rough spots.
• Sure, maybe you both loved football and enjoyed eating Italian on Friday nights, but what didn’t you do so well together?
• It will be enlightening for you to realistically consider what wasn’t working between the two of you. The further away you get from the breakup, the easier it will be to think objectively about these conflicts.
5. Nurture yourself more than usual. After all, you’ve been through an emotionally devastating event. Because you want to get through this difficulty, it’s perfectly acceptable to take time to engage in activities that bring comfort and solace.
6. Be active even if you don’t feel like it. Whether it’s visiting friends or going for your morning jog, continue to engage in an active lifestyle to promote your emotional healing. You’ll be invigorated by the physical actitivity and it will serve to lift your mood.
7. Draw your own conclusions. As time passes, you’ll notice you’re successfully “sorting out” what happened in your past relationship. And you’ll also see that you’ve formulated your own ideas about what actually occurred between you.
• For example: “Oh, we just didn’t agree on how a good relationship works” or “He just couldn’t accept that I wanted to spend time with my friends” or “I guess I tried to control how he spent his spare time and he didn’t like that.”
• You can then use these insights to help you with the next relationship
Breakups can cause significant disruption to your life, but skillfully working through the break up can greatly benefit your future relationships and advance your personal growth in the process.
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