Have You Lost Yourself as a Mommy?

Have you lost yourself as a mommy?

Do you have trouble simultaneously identifying yourself as mommy and sexy wife?

The Today Show has a segment on “Mom Hair” as a symbol of losing your identity as a woman once you become a mom. Although the title is about moms and their hair, the discussion touched on deeper issues regarding what happens to us after we become mothers and how we feel about ourselves.

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I thought this segment covers a very important issue of losing sexual (romantic) interest when you become absorbed in the day to day tasks of child rearing. For some women it can be a very difficult balance. I’ve seen women who aren’t clinically depressed, but still think there is something wrong with them because they just don’t get excited about their husbands or have the desire to look attractive.

Sure it’s not good to feel this way, but there is a reason for it. Think of it this way… Just as a phone call from your Dad is not an aphrodisiac (for most), thoughts of a crying baby at your breast or poop in your fingernails isn’t going to help either.

However some women may have a mild postpartum depression that can last for a while if left unaddressed. So if you’re really dragging around and feeling horrible about yourself, it’s probably worth it to get a professional opinion.

Is Sexual Equality Taking an Unequal Toll on Women?

In the last half century, tremendous strides have been made in sexual equality between men and women, but the battle is far from over. For every small gain, women seem to be paying a higher price than men.  According to a Time magazine Special Report on The State of the American Woman (Oct. 26, 2009), women today earn 77 cents on the dollar compared to men. While that’s a tremendous improvement over the 58 cents women earned in 1972, it’s still a huge discrepancy; especially considering that today women are the primary breadwinners in 40% of American homes.

The economy has accelerated the shift in earning power. More traditionally male jobs than female jobs have been lost, particularly in manufacturing. Unfortunately, women’s earnings fell 2% last year, twice as much as men’s. American families that were comfortable with two salaries are struggling to live on one, especially when that salary is brought home by an underpaid woman. Women are feeling the financial strain much more acutely than men.

Not only are women often shouldering the sole burden of providing for their families, but they feel they carry greater responsibility than men for child rearing and home care. The feeling of inequality at home remains despite the fact that 84% of couples recently surveyed said they negotiate responsibilities, rules and relationship issues.

Perhaps most disturbing is the revelation that despite the achievement of greater freedom, education and financial power, women are less happy. Puzzled social scientists say increased female stress and unhappiness are universal across all socio-economic levels.  Theories include basic changes in American society and the American family that are felt more keenly by women than men or perhaps gains in workplace equality are now forcing women to battle the same pressures that have long contributed to male unhappiness or it may be that women have finally gained the self-c0nfidence to be honest about what they want and don’t want from life.

Carrying a constant burden of increased stress can eat away at a woman’s physical and mental health. Stress can cause irritability, lack of energy, sleep problems and even lead to serious depression. If taking a mental health day isn’t enough to get you back on track, you may need professional help to learn to cope with stress and re-balance your life.

Recovering from Tragedy Is a Process

When you are caught in the throes of tragedy, your emotions feel out-of-control. But there is an order to how we process the chaos that accompanies traumatic loss, whether it is the death of a loved one, a failed romantic relationship, job loss, a difficult medical diagnosis or any of the challenges we face as we move through life. Understanding the process we go through as we work through a traumatic experience can help us cope. There is comfort in understanding that our feelings and responses are normal.

When we suffer a tragedy, we grieve for what is lost. Death, divorce, job loss, relocation, illness — all involve significant change and loss. In order to accept the change and move forward, it is necessary to recognize and mourn what is lost, whether it is friendship, love, familiarity, ability, status, financial stability, etc. Psychiatrists have identified distinct five stages of grief that accompany loss. While these are most often applied to mourning the death of a loved one, we go through the same stages as we learn to accept and heal from any tragic loss.

• Denial and isolation. At first, we may deny feelings of loss or try to minimize the importance of the event. People may withdraw from family and friends through emotional discomfort or embarrassment.
• Anger. Anger can be directed outward or inward if the person feels her actions contributed to the tragedy. Feelings of “why me” are also common. 
• Bargaining. No one wants to accept traumatic loss. We may try to bargain with God, promising “I will do this if you remove this burden from my life.” Or be tempted to plead with an employer if we are laid off. Bargaining attempts to stave off the inevitable.
• Depression. As anger fades, numbness may overwhelm us. Pervasive sadness blocks feeling. We may feel hopeless. You may need the guidance of an experienced psychiatrist to help you move forward.
• Acceptance. As we work through loss, we learn to accept the new reality.

For more information on How to Recover from Tragedy, listen to Dr. Marks’ October 14 podcast.

Depression Is a Treatable Disease

Life is a roller coaster, full of ups and downs. But if you start to feel like you’re always “down” or you start to have trouble just getting through the day, you may be depressed. More than 17 million people in the U.S. experience an episode of depression each year, twice as many women as men. Fewer than two-thirds of depression sufferers receive the medical help they need, yet in most cases proper treatment can alleviate symptoms of the disease.

Yes, depression is a disease. Depression is caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. It is a whole body illness that affects you physically, mentally and emotionally. Depression is not a matter of trying harder, thinking happy thoughts, a sign of weakness or lack of will. People suffering from depression cannot just “pull themselves together.” Depression is a medical disease just like diabetes or heart disease. Without treatment, depression can last for months, even years. Some people have an isolated episode of depression triggered by a traumatic event like job loss, financial difficulties or the death of someone close to them. Chronic stress or anxiety can result in depression. Some people have periodic episodes of depression throughout their lives; for others, the disease is chronic.

The symptoms of depression are unique to each person. Depression causes changes in thinking, feeling, behavior and physical health. The severity of  symptoms differs with each individual. Symptoms of depression may include:

• Persistent feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness or helplessness
• Loss of interest in normally enjoyed activities
• Irritability, restlessness, excessive crying
• Sleeping too much or too little, trouble getting out of bed in the morning
• Loss of appetite and weight loss or overeating and weight gain
• Fatigue, exhaustion, decreased energy.
• Difficulty concentrating or making decisions, memory lapses
• Thoughts of death or suicide

Although antidepressants help alleviate depression symptoms for many people, not everyone who is diagnosed with depression requires medication. The most effective treatment for depression is generally a combination of psychodynamic therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication management administered and coordinated by an experienced psychiatrist. 

If you or someone you know suffers from depression, don’t lose hope. Depression can be treated. With the support and guidance of a caring psychiatrist like Dr. Tracey Marks, you can rediscover joy in your life.

Self-Help Techniques that Reduce Stress

For most of us stress is a normal part of daily existence. However, if we don’t learn to manage our stress it can spiral out of control, leaving us worried, anxious and unable to enjoy life. Left untreated, chronic stress can take a physical toll and even lead to self-destructive behaviors or depression. Learning what triggers your stress and how to effectively manage your stress are key to living a healthy, happy life.

Since you don’t control the universe, you may not be able to rid your life of stress, but you can certainly learn to modify your response to stress. In other words, you can learn how to manage your stress successfully and significantly decrease how stressful life feels, a worthy and life-affirming goal.

Identifying the things that cause you the greatest stress and discovering why they affect you so deeply may require guidance from a skilled psychotherapist. You may need help understanding what motivates your response to stressful situations. With the right guidance, you can learn to replace negative behaviors with positive ones and regain control.

There are also several proven self-help techniques that you can learn and practice that are effective at reducing daily stress.

• Meditation is a process that quiets the mind, blocking external distractions and allowing you to focus on a state of internal peace. Meditation has been proven to decrease tension, anxiety and depression and improve concentration and focus. As you focus on your breathing and relaxing muscle groups, you’ll be able to feel your blood pressure drop, headaches dissolve and muscles untense. Meditation energizes the body and the mind.
• Guided imagery allows you to place yourself mentally in another time and place, one that is soothing and restful. In guided imagery you imagine yourself in a peaceful scene, allowing each of your senses to fully experience the sight, sound, smell and feel of your peaceful setting. Guided imagery recordings can help provide a framework for practicing the technique and making it your own.
• Progressive muscle relaxation teaches you to consciously relax your muscles, one group at a time. As you systematically tense and release each muscle, body achieves total relaxation. Relaxation recordings can coach you through the process as you learn to relax individual muscles. Tension and stress float away and you feel renewed and refreshed.

You Can Learn to Manage Stress

Stress can be debilitating. Excessive or chronic stress can take an unhealthy toll on both your physical and emotional health (see our Oct. 2 post on Learning to Recognize Symptoms of Stress). Many women need a little help figuring out what triggers their stress and why certain situations or people seem to push them over the edge. They may need some guidance from an experienced professional to discover and learn new methods that allow them to effectively manage stress and stay in control. The good news is that with the help and guidance of a psychiatrist experienced in understanding and treating chronic stress, women can live healthier, happier, stress-free lives. 

Discovering the source of your stress often involves exploring why you respond to certain situations or people in ways that increase your stress levels. Guided by an experienced psychiatrist, psychotherapy (also called insight-oriented therapy) can help you discover the sources that explain your behavior. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you replace negative thoughts and behavior patterns that may be aggravating or even creating stress with healthy, positive thoughts and actions.

Trying to balance the daily demands of home and work life, places considerable strain on today’s professional woman. Recognizing the arduous toll stress can take on professional women, Atlanta psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr. Tracey Marks has developed a special 4-Step Stress Buster Plan geared to give women the tools they need to cope successfully with the stress in their lives. During a 90-minute initial evaluation, Dr. Marks will talk with you about your current situation and help you develop a personal action plan to reduce your stress levels. As a medical doctor, Dr. Marks can assess and discuss with you any need for medication or additional medical intervention to ensure your good health.

As part of Dr. Marks’ unique 4-Step Stress Buster Plan, you receive the doctor’s valuable notebook  How to De-Stress & Achieve Balance. Packed with helpful information and de-stressing exercises, the notebook provides valuable insights and suggestions for future thought and discussion. You also receive access to Dr. Marks’ collection of soothing meditation CDs containing proven relaxation techniques you can practice and use at home.

You are not alone. Dr. Marks can help. Call and make an appointment with Dr. Marks today.

Learning to Recognize Symptoms of Stress

The nagging headache starts at the office. You feel tired. You’re having trouble concentrating. Your productivity starts to suffer, and you begin to wonder if you’re coming down with the flu. By the time you get home you’re ready to tuck yourself into bed. The chills and fever never materialize but your symptoms don’t go away.

While persistent headaches, fatigue, frequent forgetfulness and decreased productivity can be signs of illness, stress is often the culprit. Stress can affect your body physically, can impair thoughts and emotions, and can impact behavior.

• Physically, excessive or long-term stress can cause headache, back pain, chest pain, high blood pressure, erratic heart beat, stomach and intestinal problems, and sleep problems. Persistent stress can decrease your immunity to disease and cause heart disease.
• Emotionally, persistent stress can cause anxiety, restlessness, excessive worry, irritability, sadness, anger, feelings of insecurity, inability to concentrate and forgetfulness. Left untreated, stress can lead to serious depression.
• Behavior changes associated with constant stress include overeating or undereating, problems managing and controlling anger, drug or alcohol abuse, increased smoking, social withdrawal, crying spells and relationship conflicts.

If you are experiencing any of these symptoms of excessive or chronic stress, it is important to seek medical help. Naturally, a trip to your primary care physician to rule out and address any physical illness that may be responsible for your symptoms is in order. However, if chronic stress is the source of your symptoms, you will have to go beyond your primary care physician to cure what ails you. 

Chronic stress can be treated and overcome and you can learn to live a happier, more balanced, relatively stress-free life. With the help and guidance of a psychiatrist experienced in stress management, you can learn to recognize your personal stressors and how they impact your life and health. Through cognitive-behavioral therapy, an experienced psychiatrist can help you learn to recognize and control your reaction to stress. With expert guidance, you can learn new techniques for responding to stressful situations and people. You don’t have to let control your life. With help, you can learn to control stress and regain control of your life.

Depression During Pregnancy May Warrant Medication

Ground-breaking new guidelines issued by two national physician groups state that while talk therapy alone is considered the best treatment for pregnant women who suffer from depression, in severe cases use of medication is warranted despite potential risk to the developing fetus. Nearly one in four U.S. women experience episodes of depression during pregnancy, 13% of whom are prescribed antidepressant medications. Until now, doctors have lacked coherent professional guidelines to guide pregnant patients in weighing the risks of various treatment procedures for depression during pregnancy.

Based on a study of medical practices between 1999 and 2003, the new guidelines, which were jointly issued by the American Psychiatric Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, stress that talk therapy alone remains the preferred treatment for pregnant women suffering from depression. However, the guidelines go further, stating that in cases of recurrent depression or suicidal inclinations, prescription of antidepressant medication to augment talk therapy should be considered.

The guidelines point out that the danger of limiting treatment for severe depression and under-treating the mother may in certain cases outweigh the risk of subjecting the developing fetus to antidepressant drugs. Babies exposed to antidepressant drugs in the womb can be born prematurely or with low birth weights. Some antidepressants given in late pregnancy can cause more serious, potentially life-threatening problems during the first two weeks of life. The new guidelines, however, recognize the greater risk of poor nutrition and prenatal care that often results from untreated depression and the increased risk to both mother and fetus from possible suicide.

Physicians praised the new guidelines for clearly encouraging obstetricians to screen pregnant patients for signs of depression and for clarifying the role of psychiatrists in caring for pregnant women suffering from depression. “This is a very exciting time in obstetrics and psychiatry, a golden opportunity for us to really make a difference in the lives of women and their children,” UCLA psychiatrist Vivien Burt told the Los Angeles Times.

Physicians from both specialties expect the new guidelines to result in better medical are for women and their unborn children during pregnancy, with obs screening patients for depression and referring those who exhibit symptoms to psychiatrists for treatment.

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