Moving On, Moving Forward – How to Un-stick Yourself

Is your life on a standstill? Assess yourself. Venture outside your comfort zone. Find out which areas you need to change and improve. People don’t get stuck in life for no particular reason at all.

You will have to create an action plan to overcome the status quo and move on. Good organization will push you forward and bring you closer to your goals.

Consider taking the following courses of action:

1. Be serious about accountability. Hold yourself accountable for reaching your goals. Whenever progress seems out of sight from your life, first ask yourself why you feel so. Then, try to identify which part of goal reaching is holding you back.

2. Set personal deadlines. Procrastination upsets time scales. Is a pile of unfinished business keeping you from moving forward? Anticipate working within a personally set timeframe and stick to your schedule.

3. Conquer your fears. If you fear change, you’ll really struggle with looking for new opportunities. Learn to deal with the things you are afraid of. You can do this by exposing yourself to the situation in bite-sized, digestible pieces. If you jump into radical changes that are too disruptive, you may reinforce your fear by proving to yourself that change is painful.

4. Select a good role model. Find others who have followed before you in a particular situation. Ask questions and get useful advice. Use the person’s story to inspire you to move on with your life.

5. Invest in positive thinking. Thoughts function as the basis of actions. Think positively about your life. Imagine how you can brave through anticipated challenges. Allow your upbeat mentality to drive you to action.

6. Allocate time for self-reflection. Retreat to a quiet and solitary place where you can think freely. Distance yourself from noise and other forms of distractions. Just let your thoughts flow. Perhaps they hold the key to your present dilemma.

Why It’s Easy to Stay Stuck

You may find it difficult to move forward because the situation that you’re in is familiar and predictable. There is inherent security with familiarity. In the long run though, you will start to feel discontent. The negative feelings of discontentment will outweigh the positive feelings of security.

How to Embrace Change

After you have decided to embrace changes within a certain period, begin to transform your life by breaking down the changes into specific step-by-step sub-tasks. Slowly incorporate them into your routine. Monitor your progress. The small changes must bring some newness into your life.

Take your relationship as an example. Could it be on a standstill because of poor communication? Give yourself and your partner about three months to work out the issue.

Your action plan may consist of reading communication books, having a dialogue with your partner and seeking professional counseling services. Observe what kind of impact the corrective strategies will have in the relationship.

As you get a clear view of what’s happening to the relationship, you will feel less immobile as you and your partner move in a different direction.

You can apply the same strategies to various standstill scenarios. Big or small, many or few – there will always be things you can do to break the status quo.

Are You Burdened With Negative Thoughts?

Every now and then, you can’t avoid negative attitudes from surfacing. Everyone goes through the same experience. However, you may have to act on the situation when the volume and frequency of negativity begin to rise in alarming levels.

Negative attitudes can do so much damage to your life. They can trap you and keep you from progressing. You need to counter them with positivity.

The Impact of a Negative Attitude

Your way of thinking greatly influences your actions. So, when you allow a negative attitude to dominate your behavior, you are really just sabotaging your own success.

A negative attitude also affects the people around you. When you complain incessantly, you repel others. Generally people like spending time with people who make them feel good.

The Manifestations of a Positive Attitude

While negativity dampens the spirit and kills hope, positivity does the exact opposite. In fact, a positive attitude can open up opportunities for you. You can also let the positive energy rub off on the people around you.

Contrary to popular belief, attitudes are not always fixed. But you can shape them.

Here are some tips for shaping your attitude and thinking positively:

1. Visualize. Train your mind to conjure pleasant and peaceful images instead of tragedies and worst-case scenarios. Imagine yourself succeeding in your plans. Savor the victory in your mind.

1. Write. Let out your frustrations. Keep a journal of the things you accomplished. This activity can put your life and thoughts back to order.

1. Decompress. Stressful situations magnify a lot of negative emotions. Find time to relax and restore positivity into your life. Visit your church; take yoga lessons; soak in the tub.

1. Affirm something. Read up on or invent your own set of positive affirmations. Worded in the present tense, positive affirmations empower you to pursue your dreams and remind you of your capabilities. An example is “I am strong enough to face my fears.”

1. Live. Don’t be content yourself with mere existence. Savor each day, even if there is nothing different about it than yesterday. It still is another day of life.

Each night The News Hour with Jim Lehrer shows the servicemen who lost their life. When I watch that I am reminded that another day of life really is a gift and not a given. As you attempt to shape your attitude and introduce positivity into your life, remember not to pressure yourself too much. Pretty soon, you will develop a positive attitude without thinking too hard. That is, we want this to be a reflex that instinctively happens.

Escape from Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are those that sap you of energy, like being chewed and spit out.  There are various reasons people hold on to toxic relationships and sometimes the process of becoming disentangled is harder than it was to get involved in the first place.

But just a toxic substance is poison to your body, toxic relationships are poison to your soul.

Let’s look at some strategies on how to detect a potential toxic relationship:

1. Don’t expect people to change. People can make changes over time, especially if they work at.  But it is a mistake to let yourself be attracted to a person’s potential rather that what you see in front of you today.
2. Do get to know the person on a deep level.  Conversations on serious topics often reveal the person’s character.  If you can get a sense of this early on, it will be easier to avoid getting involved. 
3. Do study the person’s history. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. It is very tempting to think “things will be different with me.” But they won’t. Chances are the same issues that presented themselves in the past will recur even it if takes a different form. For example, unless a person undergoes a major intervention (such as professional help) to overcome anger, they will continue to be angry with you.
4. Do check for signs of manipulative behavior. Manipulative and controlling behavior is a norm in many toxic relationships. Some people need to control to feel validated.  One classic sign of manipulation is heavy use of if-then statements.  “If you really cared about me, you would do [fill in the blank].”  If you find yourself often being drawn to do things you don’t want to do and/or feeling guilty about it, you’re probably being manipulated. 
5. Do keep a list of qualities to evaluate in a potential partner. This is a good exercise that may help you get a handle on what type of people you attract or pursue. It’s best to downplay superficial attraction and focus on personality or specific traits. Unlike looks, attitudes are harder to shape.

The most obvious application of these strategies is with romantic relationships. But toxic friendships and acquaintances also negatively impact our quality of life. Work to eliminate all toxic relationships. It will be a gradual process, but can reap great rewards in achieving a peace of mind.

Tis The Season to Be Tense: Five Tips for Reducing Holiday Stress

Many people don’t realize that they really are in control of many of the factors driving their stress levels, even during the holidays when these factors become magnified. The first step is to take care of yourself first, then you’ll be able to meet the demands of others.

This year, is figuring to be a particularly stressful holiday season.  Between the normal challenges of the holidays, this year’s economic environment will add even more stress than usual.

As if arranging and attending parties, deciding on the perfect gifts, dealing with family obligations, holiday travel through crowded airports and roads weren’t enough, this year we are going to do it all with fewer resources and even more pressure to do more with less.

Here are some tips to help get through this year’s holiday season with minimal stress:

1. Don’t over-commit to engagements – the holidays can be filled with invitations to parties, gatherings, performances, etc. There are a limited number of weekend for the season, carefully plan your outings and make sure to leave room for downtime.
2. Allow yourself to depart from traditions – sometimes family traditions such as extensive decorations and huge meals can put undue pressure on you to overdo it. Start your own traditions that fit more into your current lifestyle and are manageable.
3. Make alternative plans for gift-giving – The pressure to buy the perfect gift can be exhausting. Consider alternate types of gifts – such as one day of yard work or some other service. This can save money and time. Also, shop online – this can help you avoid long lines in the stores or spending your already busy weekend pushing your way through the crowds.
4. Make extra attempt to eat nutritiously – You will have many opportunities to have sugary, high-fat meals which can worsen stress. Take every opportunity to fit a fruit snack into your day or add an extra vegetable to your meal.
5. Carve out 20 minutes each day to sit quietly and meditate – the stress of a busy day and schedule can overload the mind and lead to mental and physical exhaustion. If you slow down and quiet your mind each day, especially at the end of your day, you can sleep better and have more energy to get you through the busy season.

Your Happiness Strategy

Despite this hectic reality that almost everyone faces, it’s possible to take the pinball machine of life by the gears and actually find happiness in the midst of life’s madness.

The truth is living a happy life is something that you just don’t fantasize about. Rather, it’s something that you must strive to attain. Happiness is really a matter of choice. Despite your full schedule, remember to take things one at a time and find a reason to be happy about. You can chase the future, but don’t let it entirely take away your present.

Perhaps if you pose the same question to everybody you meet, you will get different answers on what happiness is or should be. If you actually sort through the chaos in your timetable, you can pick out the things that matter most to you. These are your priorities – the sequence that you will base your life decisions on and your potential sources of happiness.

Every Day: A Fresh Source of Happiness

Like everybody else, you too can find a number of reasons to be happy about with the life you live in the “Now.” Traveling and seeking adventure can be fun. However, the best way to start is by appreciating your present situation.

Look within yourself and your immediate circumstances. Happiness is within your reach when you try the following activities:

1. Surround yourself with people who love you. Sharing a meal with loved ones is always ideal. However, there are plenty of other ways that you can spend quality time with your family and friends. Try heart-to-heart talks, light and casual updates or even a group game or two over the weekend.

2. Make relaxation one of your daily routines. Break the monotony of chores and long to-do lists from your life. Make it a point to treat yourself to something enjoyable: a relaxing dip in the tub, an hour of playing your favorite PC game, or a few minutes of your night to finish a chapter of a book.

3. Embrace nature’s healing power. The sights, sounds and smell of nature can work wonders on your mood and fill your heart with joy. You get to experience some form of escape from the outside world. As you dwell in your inner thoughts, you then realize that you form part of a greater whole. You are not alone. This feeling of interconnection and belonging should help you shake off a lot of negativity.

4. Sport a can-do attitude in fighting stress. Daily life subjects you to tons of anxieties and stressful situations that can threaten your happiness. Don’t allow these negative incidents to pile up in your system. If you do, you might end up carrying more weight than you could handle. Deal with each situation as it happens. Managing stress this way can help you avoid long-term complications.

Exploring the Unknown

Appreciating your present situation isn’t your only source of happiness. Once you’ve mastered that skill, you can also explore newer avenues to supplement your life tank of happiness. These new avenues do not have to entail drastic changes and realizations. You just have to allow yourself to venture out of your comfort zone occasionally. The spark of new activities and situations will greatly rejuvenate your attitude and mood.

Here are a few tips to help you get started:

1. Survey your hometown. No matter how long you’ve stayed in your neighborhood, treat each day as a chance to discover something new about the place that you call home. Find time to take the small roads and visit the places that you’ve always been curious about but haven’t had the chance to explore yet. You’ll surprise yourself with how much your place has changed: new shops, new recreational centers, new faces and new neighbors.

2. Respond to the call of adventure. If excitement runs in your blood, engage in challenges to boost your adrenalin and self-confidence levels. Go scale a mountain with the local mountaineering club. Try riding a horse. Get wet and wild in a canoeing expedition. If a pampered adventure is more to your liking, consider a temporary change of scenery. Immerse yourself in an unfamiliar culture and indulge in exotic cuisines.

3. Meet and mingle with new faces. Your social life does not have to revolve exclusively around your family members and tight circle of friends. Take advantage of family outings and parties to making new acquaintances and new friends. Chances are there can even be a couple of neighbors who remain strangers to you, so try to find time to honor barbecue invites and group dates.

New opportunities are presenting themselves to you every minute of the day. Heed them and find out how they can make you happy. If you want, you can even come up with your own list of opportunities as well as a list of how you can enjoy each one creatively. Enjoy them as they come along – whether all at once or one by one.

Self-Help Techniques that Reduce Stress

For most of us stress is a normal part of daily existence. However, if we don’t learn to manage our stress it can spiral out of control, leaving us worried, anxious and unable to enjoy life. Left untreated, chronic stress can take a physical toll and even lead to self-destructive behaviors or depression. Learning what triggers your stress and how to effectively manage your stress are key to living a healthy, happy life.

Since you don’t control the universe, you may not be able to rid your life of stress, but you can certainly learn to modify your response to stress. In other words, you can learn how to manage your stress successfully and significantly decrease how stressful life feels, a worthy and life-affirming goal.

Identifying the things that cause you the greatest stress and discovering why they affect you so deeply may require guidance from a skilled psychotherapist. You may need help understanding what motivates your response to stressful situations. With the right guidance, you can learn to replace negative behaviors with positive ones and regain control.

There are also several proven self-help techniques that you can learn and practice that are effective at reducing daily stress.

• Meditation is a process that quiets the mind, blocking external distractions and allowing you to focus on a state of internal peace. Meditation has been proven to decrease tension, anxiety and depression and improve concentration and focus. As you focus on your breathing and relaxing muscle groups, you’ll be able to feel your blood pressure drop, headaches dissolve and muscles untense. Meditation energizes the body and the mind.
• Guided imagery allows you to place yourself mentally in another time and place, one that is soothing and restful. In guided imagery you imagine yourself in a peaceful scene, allowing each of your senses to fully experience the sight, sound, smell and feel of your peaceful setting. Guided imagery recordings can help provide a framework for practicing the technique and making it your own.
• Progressive muscle relaxation teaches you to consciously relax your muscles, one group at a time. As you systematically tense and release each muscle, body achieves total relaxation. Relaxation recordings can coach you through the process as you learn to relax individual muscles. Tension and stress float away and you feel renewed and refreshed.

You Can Learn to Manage Stress

Stress can be debilitating. Excessive or chronic stress can take an unhealthy toll on both your physical and emotional health (see our Oct. 2 post on Learning to Recognize Symptoms of Stress). Many women need a little help figuring out what triggers their stress and why certain situations or people seem to push them over the edge. They may need some guidance from an experienced professional to discover and learn new methods that allow them to effectively manage stress and stay in control. The good news is that with the help and guidance of a psychiatrist experienced in understanding and treating chronic stress, women can live healthier, happier, stress-free lives. 

Discovering the source of your stress often involves exploring why you respond to certain situations or people in ways that increase your stress levels. Guided by an experienced psychiatrist, psychotherapy (also called insight-oriented therapy) can help you discover the sources that explain your behavior. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you replace negative thoughts and behavior patterns that may be aggravating or even creating stress with healthy, positive thoughts and actions.

Trying to balance the daily demands of home and work life, places considerable strain on today’s professional woman. Recognizing the arduous toll stress can take on professional women, Atlanta psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr. Tracey Marks has developed a special 4-Step Stress Buster Plan geared to give women the tools they need to cope successfully with the stress in their lives. During a 90-minute initial evaluation, Dr. Marks will talk with you about your current situation and help you develop a personal action plan to reduce your stress levels. As a medical doctor, Dr. Marks can assess and discuss with you any need for medication or additional medical intervention to ensure your good health.

As part of Dr. Marks’ unique 4-Step Stress Buster Plan, you receive the doctor’s valuable notebook  How to De-Stress & Achieve Balance. Packed with helpful information and de-stressing exercises, the notebook provides valuable insights and suggestions for future thought and discussion. You also receive access to Dr. Marks’ collection of soothing meditation CDs containing proven relaxation techniques you can practice and use at home.

You are not alone. Dr. Marks can help. Call and make an appointment with Dr. Marks today.

Dr. Marks Debuts Self-Help Tools for Better Mental Health

You take responsibility for your physical health. You see your doctor when you don’t feel well or something isn’t right, but there are a lot of things you do for yourself every day to stay healthy. You watch your diet, stock up on fruits and veggies, cut back on salt and fats, and take it easy on dessert. You force yourselves to exercise, stop by the gym regularly, walk the dog, take the stairs, and ride bikes with the kids.

It should be the same with your mental health. Just as people sometimes need the help of a medical specialist to deal with heart problems or diabetes or disease, there are times in most people’s lives when they need the help of a skilled psychiatrist to recover from loss or adjust to a major change in their lives or manage a behavior problem. And in the same way that we engage in self-help activities to keep our bodies healthy, we can engage in self-help activities to keep ourselves mentally strong and healthy.

Recognizing the need and interest people have in protecting their mental and emotional health, Atlanta psychiatrist Tracy Marks this week introduced several self-help features and products on her website. Every Wednesday, you can now join Dr. Marks for a weekly educational podcast about mental health issues of general interest. Podcasts can be viewed and downloaded from Dr. Marks’ website; just click Podcast on the toolbar. This week on Dr. Marks Personal Development Tool Chest, the doctor talks about depression and anxiety and offers seven valuable coping strategies. A printable self-help depression and anxiety checklist and worksheet is included for viewers’ personal use. We invite you to tune in every Wednesday as Dr. Marks shares interesting and useful information on how to maintain good mental health and warning signs to watch for if you or someone you love is having problems.

In response to readers’ enthusiasm for the self-help articles published on our website, Dr. Marks now offers three educational self-help CDs:

• Discover How to Relax teaches muscle relaxation and deep-breathing exercises to relieve stress and renew energy.
• Peaceful Sleep combines soothing sleep suggestions with therapeutic music selected to erase tension and anxiety and prepare you for peaceful sleep.
• Peaceful Mind is a soothing aid to stress-relieving, soul-renewing meditation.

« Previous Page — Next Page »