You Can Learn to Manage Stress
Stress can be debilitating. Excessive or chronic stress can take an unhealthy toll on both your physical and emotional health (see our Oct. 2 post on Learning to Recognize Symptoms of Stress). Many women need a little help figuring out what triggers their stress and why certain situations or people seem to push them over the edge. They may need some guidance from an experienced professional to discover and learn new methods that allow them to effectively manage stress and stay in control. The good news is that with the help and guidance of a psychiatrist experienced in understanding and treating chronic stress, women can live healthier, happier, stress-free lives.
Discovering the source of your stress often involves exploring why you respond to certain situations or people in ways that increase your stress levels. Guided by an experienced psychiatrist, psychotherapy (also called insight-oriented therapy) can help you discover the sources that explain your behavior. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you replace negative thoughts and behavior patterns that may be aggravating or even creating stress with healthy, positive thoughts and actions.
Trying to balance the daily demands of home and work life, places considerable strain on today’s professional woman. Recognizing the arduous toll stress can take on professional women, Atlanta psychiatrist and psychotherapist Dr. Tracey Marks has developed a special 4-Step Stress Buster Plan geared to give women the tools they need to cope successfully with the stress in their lives. During a 90-minute initial evaluation, Dr. Marks will talk with you about your current situation and help you develop a personal action plan to reduce your stress levels. As a medical doctor, Dr. Marks can assess and discuss with you any need for medication or additional medical intervention to ensure your good health.
As part of Dr. Marks’ unique 4-Step Stress Buster Plan, you receive the doctor’s valuable notebook How to De-Stress & Achieve Balance. Packed with helpful information and de-stressing exercises, the notebook provides valuable insights and suggestions for future thought and discussion. You also receive access to Dr. Marks’ collection of soothing meditation CDs containing proven relaxation techniques you can practice and use at home.
You are not alone. Dr. Marks can help. Call and make an appointment with Dr. Marks today.
Regaining Control of Our Anger
Has anger run amuck in America? We have always been a nation of strong opinions and diverse views, but it seems that the added stress of the economy is causing us to crack (read our Sept. 25 post). The problem with the nation’s rising anger is bedded more in emotion than reality.
Economic and government experts tell us that we will survive, that times will get better; and history tells us this is true. But so many of us have been struggling without jobs, without enough to pay our mortgages or support our families for so long, that, internally, emotionally, many of us have lost hope. We simply don’t believe that things will get better for “me.” And we’re angry about that. When events affect us personally, we’re unable to take the wider view. Constant stress turns our psyche brittle causing minor problems and small slights to elicit angry outbursts out of proportion to reality.
Poorly controlled anger fueled by anxiety and stress seems to be at the root of the pervasive rudeness that is sweeping across America. When fear and anxiety about the economy and its impact on our own lives becomes too great to handle, it either explodes outward as physical or verbal anger or is internalized as anxiety and depression. Anger needs an outlet, but unhealthy expressions of anger do not solve problems, they simply create additional problems.
There are always solutions to our problems, but there are many times, like today, when many of us may feel so overwhelmed by our problems that we cannot see those solutions. It is at times like this when many people need professional help and support from a board certified psychiatrist to cope with and find solutions to their problems. Under the direction of an experienced psychotherapist, psychodynamic therapy can help us uncover and understand the true sources of our anger and anxieties, the first step in changing destructive behavior patterns. Psychodynamic therapy is often used in concert with cognitive-behavioral therapy which can help individuals identify non-productive ways of coping with stress and anger and replace them with positive behaviors.
Are Americans Raging Out of Control?
“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore,” rants mad anchorman Howard Beale in the 1970′s movie satire Network. Beale’s nightly television rants inflame a nation of angry, frustrated citizens who have reached maximum overload and are fed up — with everything. Sound familiar? According to an article in the September 28, 2009 issue of Time magazine, pollster Frank Luntz surveyed 6,400 Americans earlier this year asking whether they agreed with Beale’s sentiment. A resounding 72% — 3 out of 4 — said yes.
The rude, angry tone in America today is the new hot media topic. Fanned 24/7 by the flames of ranting TV and radio hosts like Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly, Americans are spewing anger and distrust.
- U.S. Representative Joe Wilson of South Carolina shocked his colleagues and the nation when he yelled, “You Lie!” during President Obama’s nationally televised speech to Congress.
- Tennis diva Serena Williams unleashed a profanity-laced threat at a line judge during a U.S. Open semifinals match.
- Rapper Kanye West grabbed the microphone away from a startled Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech for best female video at the Video Music Awards to declare that the winner should have been Beyonce.
Rudeness is a daily occurrence in any social community. The examples of bad behavior cited above received so much press because these people are supposed to be among our nation’s role models. Those who monitor the nation’s psychological temperature are concerned about the pervading lack of respect being expressed today. A 2002 Public Agenda survey found that 79% of Americans consider lack of respect a “serious national problem.”
Anger-fueled rudeness seems to be increasing along with a sense of personal entitlement. Fanned by the ravings of national pundits and the selfish examples set by national celebrities, frustrated by the slow economic recovery, angered by the excesses of Wall Street, worried about the growing national debt, and concerned about providing for themselves and their families, usually well-mannered people are starting to crack under the strain. Rabid behavior during Congressional town-hall meetings over health care reform is just one example of anger run amuck in America.
To be continued on Monday: Regaining Control of Our Anger
Stability, Not Marriage, Key to Kids’ Happiness
A new study by an Ohio State University researcher found that it is the stability of the parent and the home, not marital status, that determines whether divorced children will thrive and be happy. The study found that children who grow up with a single mother are as likely to succeed academically and socially as those who grow up in traditional married-couple homes if the parent is emotionally stable and the home environment is stable. Published in the book Marriage and Family: Perspectives and Complexities, the study bolsters support for single-parents, gay couples, children being raised by grandparents or relatives, and other non-traditional families.
“Kids like to know what to expect,” Claire Kamp Dush, OSU assistant professor of human development and family science and study author, told The Columbus Dispatch. She explained that creating family stability means maintaining the status quo. Study data indicate that single mothers who do not move in with a new partner or remarry create the most stable home environments for their children. When home life was stable, Kamp Dush found no difference in levels of academic achievement, cognitive stimulation, emotional support or behavioral problems between children from single-parent and traditional married-couple homes.
Some researchers see a connection between stability and financial resources. Many other studies have found differences between children’s welfare and happiness in single-parent and married-couple homes. Many of those differences are rooted in financial circumstances and quality of education. When poverty enters into the equation, it can tip the balance against stable home life.
Single mothers worried about finances are more likely to suffer anxiety, depression and other emotional problems that can significantly impair the stability of home life. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 50% of children born to single mothers live below the poverty level. Statistics posted by The Heritage Foundation indicate that 35% of divorced mothers who receive child support and 42% of those who don’t live below the poverty line.
If you are struggling with single parenthood, a qualified psychiatrist like Dr. Tracey Marks can help you deal with the anger, anxiety, grief or depression you may be experiencing so that you can provide a stable home for your children.
Fighting the Out-of-Work Blues
The starting bell in the employment race has always rung in the fall. September has traditionally been the best time to look for a new job. Children start a new school year, freeing parents from daytime childcare duties. Collegiates return to college campuses, leaving stores hunting for replacements. Corporations assess staffing needs as they ramp up new marketing programs. Whether looking for full- or part-time work, most job seekers found success during fall recruitment drives. But that was before the recession and double-digit unemployment.
Today, job searches are taking months instead of weeks. Layoffs have made competition fierce, forcing more and better qualified applicants into the job pool. As job searches lengthen and savings dwindle, anxiety and feelings of desperation set in. Some people frustrated with their inability to find a job that will support them or their family give up and sink into depression.
But the burden is felt not just by job seekers. When layoffs occur, those left on the job often suffer survivor guilt. Those still employed are forced to take on greater work loads, work longer hours and assume greater responsibility, further increasing stress and anxiety. For some, the stress becomes too great. According to the U.S. Labor Department, 251 people committed suicide on the job last year, an increase of 28% over the previous year and the highest number since reporting began.
Losing your job doesn’t have to be a career death knell or plunge you into a pit of despair. Traumatic experiences can be a catalyst for positive change. Psychiatric counseling that focuses on cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you find the silver lining in a layoff or difficult job search. Losing a job can be the impetus you need to abandon a career you don’t enjoy, start a business or go back to school. It can be an opportunity to explore new interests, discover what is most important to you and reinvent yourself in a new career. If you are struggling with a job layoff or searching for a new direction in your life, or if you are feeling depressed and anxious about your job, cognitive-behavioral therapy under the direction of an experienced psychiatrist like Dr. Tracey Marks can provide the support and skills you need to meet life’s challenges successfully.
Why We Cling to Unobtainable Dreams
American Idol has fueled the mega-star dreams of wanna be singers across the country. Yet, as acerbic judge Simon Cowell is quick to point out, many of those dreams are woefully misplaced. The crushing of dreams as impassioned but horribly off-key singers audition season after season makes for dramatic television. We laugh at their folly, wondering how these people can truly believe they have the talent to become professional singers. A new study by psychologists at Ohio State University and the University of Florida published in the current issue of the journal Social Cognition sheds some light on the phenomenon.
Researchers found that people cling to their career dreams with fierce tenacity. Telling someone they lack the skills or knowledge to achieve their goal isn’t enough to shake their belief that they can accomplish their dreams. It takes a clear, often humiliating, demonstration of their lack of ability to convince someone that their dreams are misplaced.
“Most people don’t give up easily on their dreams. They have to be given a graphic picture of what failure will look like if they don’t make it,” study co-author Patrick Carroll, an assistant professor of psychology at OSU-Lima, said in an online article posted on Newswise. “We have a brilliant ability to spin, deflect or outright dismiss undesired evidence that we can’t do something. We try to find reasons to believe.”
It’s a harsh lesson seemingly at odds with the “Dream big! Follow your dreams!” advice that parents use to encourage their children. Shows like American Idol, America’s Got Talent and America’s Next Top Model only fuel our dreams of being “discovered” and catapulted from oblivion to stardom. Idol judge Simon Cowell has often explained that his comments may be cutting, but they’re geared to drag would be stars back to reality. Few make it in the music business, even those with talent.
The problem transcends the entertainment industry. Researchers found that many students harbor unrealistic career dreams, sometimes spending years of fruitless study on career paths for which they lack the ability to succeed. It can be a costly mistake, particularly in today’s uncertain job market.
“Educators are trying to lead students to the most realistic career options,” Carroll said. “You want to encourage students to pursue their dreams, but you don’t want to give them false hope about their abilities and talents.”
Next time: Lessons for parents
Do We Teach Our Children to Lie?
Children learn by example. Parents can tell their children all manner of “dos” and “don’ts,” but what they learn is what they see parents do. Most children have learned how to lie by age 3 and are lying several times a day by age 6. Parents may actually encourage their children to lie by telling them to thank grandma for the ugly shirt ”so you don’t hurt her feelings.”
Children learn to lie by listening to and watching their parents. They notice when parents call in sick to take a day off. They catch us out — sometimes embarrassingly — when we criticize family or friends at home then act nice in person. They watch us drive over the speed limit. They hear us make up a story at the store so we can return an item without a receipt. Adults use lying to cope with their own foibles and to fit in socially. As a society we may view lying as immoral and repellent, but studies have found that, socially, people who regularly embroider the truth are perceived as friendlier. Adults consider small fibs a normal and necessary part of social discourse (see our August 14 blog post).
Children hear their parents lie every day. While adults differentiate between little white lies, which we deem socially acceptable, even socially necessary, and big, hurtful lies, children do not. They see the world in black and white, right or wrong; there are no shades of gray in a young child’s mind. When adult behavior doesn’t match our admonishment that lying is wrong, our children are confused. They are unable to distinction between adult behavior and child behavior. Children strive to emulate the adults in their lives. If those adults regularly lie to other adults or to the child, children will perceive lying as acceptable, not wrong.
The problem, of course, is that even though we engage in small fibs ourselves, we take offense and feel betrayed when someone — including our child — lies to us, even when the lie is small. Lying degrades trust and trust is the bedrock on which strong relationships are built. Once trust is lost, it is difficult to regain. Suspicion can linger for years. Even if it’s painful, most of us would rather be told the truth. Perhaps that’s the lesson we should be teaching our children.
Is Lying Good for You?
We preach the value of honesty to our children, and we espouse honesty as one of the most valued goals of society; yet most people lie every day. One study found that most people lie at least once a day and some as often as two to three times every 10 minutes. We have an ambivalent relationship with lying. We believe it to be morally wrong but have no compunction about lying when it serves our purpose.
We tell our spouse the pants don’t look too tight when they do. We complement our mother-in-law on a barely edible meal. We tell our children “maybe” when we mean “no.” We thank our mom for the birthday sweater we can’t wait to return. We drop $10 off the price when we tell our spouse how much we paid. We invent a prior engagement when we don’t want to accept an invitation. We tell the plumber the check is in the mail. We lie about our weight when we renew our driver’s license. We interrupt our work and paste a welcoming smile on our face when our gabby aunt drops by for an unexpected visit. We lie to ourselves about how often we exercise and how many cookies we ate.
Now researchers are saying that those little white lies may be good for us. “We use lies to grease the wheels of social discourse,” University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman said in an article on U.S. News & World Report online. “It’s socially useful to tell lies.”
Psychiatrists say we bend and embellish the truth for all sorts of reasons. We lie to protect ourselves and those we love, to seek an advantage at work, to excuse poor behavior, to appear more important, and to pump up our self-esteem. Experts believe that slightly inflating the truth can have a positive psychological effect and may even create a self-fulfilling prophecy. In a recent study, college students who inflated their GPA later improved their grades. ”Exaggerators tend to be more confident and have higher goals for achievement,” explained study co-author Richard Gramzow, a psychologist at England’s University of Southampton.
More about lying on Monday
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