Fighting the Out-of-Work Blues

The starting bell in the employment race has always rung in the fall. September has traditionally been the best time to look for a new job. Children start a new school year, freeing parents from daytime childcare duties. Collegiates return to college campuses, leaving stores hunting for replacements. Corporations assess staffing needs as they ramp up new marketing programs. Whether looking for full- or part-time work, most job seekers found success during fall recruitment drives. But that was before the recession and double-digit unemployment.

Today, job searches are taking months instead of weeks. Layoffs have made competition fierce, forcing more and better qualified applicants into the job pool. As job searches lengthen and savings dwindle, anxiety and feelings of desperation set in. Some people frustrated with their inability to find a job that will support them or their family give up and sink into depression.

But the burden is felt not just by job seekers. When layoffs occur, those left on the job often suffer survivor guilt. Those still employed are forced to take on greater work loads, work longer hours and assume greater responsibility, further increasing stress and anxiety. For some, the stress becomes too great. According to the U.S. Labor Department, 251 people committed suicide on the job last year, an increase of 28% over the previous year and the highest number since reporting began.

Losing your job doesn’t have to be a career death knell or plunge you into a pit of despair. Traumatic experiences can be a catalyst for positive change. Psychiatric counseling that focuses on cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you find the silver lining in a layoff or difficult job search. Losing a job can be the impetus you need to abandon a career you don’t enjoy, start a business or go back to school. It can be an opportunity to explore new interests, discover what is most important to you and reinvent yourself in a new career. If you are struggling with a job layoff or searching for a new direction in your life, or if you are feeling depressed and anxious about your job, cognitive-behavioral therapy under the direction of an experienced psychiatrist like Dr. Tracey Marks can provide the support and skills you need to meet life’s challenges successfully.

Parents Must Temper Children’s Dreams With Reality

As parents, we all want our children to be happy in life and succeed. We encourage our children to dream big. We nourish our children’s dreams. We buy our future fireman a fireman’s hat at the toy store and take him to visit the local fire station. We invest in a piano and arrange music lessons for our budding concert pianist. We applaud our yet-to-be-discovered movie star by sending her to drama camp at the local college. We foster our emerging soccer star’s ambitions by signing up for a traveling team. There is nothing wrong with helping our children explore their dreams. It’s one way of letting them “try on” potential career choices to see how they fit. But some parents become so wrapped up in their children’s dreams that they lose perspective and fail to interject a necessary dose of reality.

When they are young, children’s dreams change quickly. Today’s fireman is tomorrow’s astronaut and next week’s rock star. But as children grow up, dreams begin to move them toward career paths. Sometimes parents co-opt their children’s dreams, reliving their own failed dreams or missed opportunities through their children. The dad who always wanted to be a high school quarterback pushes his son into football. The mom who dreamed of winning the lead in the high school play pressures her daughter into drama.

When parents force their own agenda onto their children’s dreams, children suffer. They are torn between their own interest or lack of interest and pleasing their parents. When parents “over-encourage” their children to succeed, particularly if the child expresses disinterest or feels uncomfortable with his ability to compete, children can become anxious. Constant anxiety can lead to insomnia, behavior problems, even depression and other emotional problems.

Parents need to take a step back and allow children to fully experience their own dreams. Certainly, provide opportunities to explore interests and talents; but temper dreams with reality. If your child warms the bench during the game, don’t step in and argue with the coach or make excuses that feed your child’s sense of entitlement. Allow your child the important lessons of disappointment and failure. Finding out for themselves whether they have the ability and skill to realize their dreams helps children to refine and restructure their dreams into attainable goals.

What Parents Can Do About Bullying

Children who are bullied suffer higher rates of anxiety, depression and low self-esteem and are more likely to have suicidal thoughts than kids who aren’t victimized by classroom bullies, warns a recent Mayo Clinic report (see our August 21, 2009 post). With nearly half of all school-aged children subjected to bullying at some point during their school years, parents need to know how to deal with this ever-growing threat to their children’s physical and emotional health. The American Academy of Pediatrics, which now urges physicians to include signs of bullying in patient assessments, recommends that parents take the following steps to protect their children from bullying:

If your child is the victim of bullying:

• Teach your child to stand up for himself by saying things like “I don’t like what you are doing.” Teach him to stay calm and walk away from bullies.
• Tell your child when and how to ask for help. Suggest they find an adult and tell them about the problem if they are being bullied.
• Encourage your child to develop friendships with other children. Children who are socially isolated are more apt to be bullied.
• Support activities that interest your child.
• Alert school officials and teachers if your child complains about bullying. Be an advocate for your child and see that the situation is resolved.
• Ask other adults to watch out for your child’s safety when you cannot be present.

If your child is a bully:

• Emphasize to your child that you are firmly against bullying.
• Be a positive role model for your child. Show him how to get what he wants without teasing, threatening or hurting another person.
• Set firm and consistent limits on aggressive behavior.
• Be clear in defining age-appropriate consequences for bullying behavior and be consistent in implementing those consequences.
• Use effective, nonphysical discipline such as loss of privileges.
• Work with school officials, teachers, counselors and the parents of victims to develop practical solutions.

Bullying can have a disastrous long-term impact on a child’s emotional development. If your child is a bully or a victim, consider taking him or her to a board certified psychiatrist like Dr. Tracey Marks. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is effective in replacing detrimental, maladjusted behaviors with positive, life-affirming ones.

What Parents Need to Know About Bullying

Bullies. Every classroom seems to have one. In another age, bullying was considered a rite of passage; but that was before the massacres at Columbine and Virginia Tech. We now know that bullying can have long-lasting effects, both for bullies and their victims. Since April, at least three children have committed suicide as the result of bullying, according to news reports.

“Children who are bullied have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and other mental health conditions. Children who are bullied are more likely to think about suicide, and some of these wounds may linger into adulthood,” warns the Mayo Clinic in a recent online report.

Almost half of all schoolchildren are bullied at some point, according to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. Bullying can happen to any child, but young children and those with few friends are the most at risk. Bullying need not be physical (punching, hitting, kicking or destruction of property); teasing, name-calling, racial slurs, gossip, malicious rumors, and other verbal abuse can be even more damaging. Internet and cell phone access has moved bullying out of the school yard and onto the Internet. Called cyberbullying, electronic harassment makes it easy for children to malign, embarrass or threaten their peers anonymously.

As the school year starts, it’s important for parents to tune in to their children and watch for the warning signs of bullying:

• Bruises, scrapes or other injuries
• Ripped or missing clothing or personal possessions
• Few friends or statements such as “nobody likes me”
• Headaches, stomachaches or other physical complaints
• Trouble eating
• Trouble sleeping or nightmares
• Anxiety when preparing for school or talking about school
• Fear of going to school or playing hooky
• Trouble concentrating on schoolwork; declining or failing grades
• Fighting or behavioral problems
• Depression, listlessness
• Suicidal statements such as “you’d be better off without me”

With the advent of cyberbullying through emails, instant messaging, Facebook and blogs, bullying has become so prevalent that the American Academy of Pediatrics is urging pediatricians to include signs of bullying in patient assessments. Referral to a board-certified psychiatrist with an expertise in cognitive-behavioral therapy may be required to prevent the harmful effects of bullying or treat anxiety/depression caused by bullying.

Next time: What parents can do about bullying

Learning to Identify Causes of Stress

Life is full of minor stresses. Your son spills a glass of milk. Your daughter can’t find her shoes. The dog throws up on the carpet. The mailman delivers another bill. Your husband announces he can’t make it home to coach the soccer team. The car won’t start. You’re going to be late. You already have a headache – and you haven’t even left for work!

Juggling the demands of home, family and career is a constant challenge. No wonder people feel stressed. What most of us fail to realize is that we are in control of our lives. By taking charge of our lives, we can manage stress  and create a better balance between family, work and fun. But it may take a little digging to determine the true source of your stress. Sometimes the real source of stress hides in our thoughts, feelings or behaviors. For example, the stress you feel about meeting job deadlines may have more to do with your procrastination than actual work volume.

Before you can successfully decrease stress, you have to accept responsibility for your part in creating it. Keeping a stress journal can help you and your psychiatrist identify stressors and discover patterns in your response to stress. It’s the first step to learning how to effectively manage stress.

• Every day note stressful situations or episodes and their cause.
• Write down how the incident made you feel physically and emotionally.
• Note  how your response. 
• Record anything you did that made you feel better. 

Periodically review your stress journal for patterns that indicate coping strategies, including smoking or drinking, over- or under-eating, spending hours on the computer or watching TV, withdrawing, using pills or drugs to relax, sleeping too much, procrastinating, over-scheduling to avoid dealing with problems, or taking your stress out on others.

Once you and your psychiatrist identify your stress triggers and responses, you can work to either change the situation by avoiding or altering the stressor or change your reaction to it by adapting to or accepting the stressor. Try to determine and employ the stress control strategy that makes you feel calmest and most in control.

Next time: Stress management strategies you can use

Risk Factors for Mental Health Problems

This week we’ve been talking about the activities and behaviors that make for good mental health (see our July 13 and 15, 2009 posts). Throughout our lives, many forces shape our emotional well-being, both internal and external. Particular events in our lives, genetic and biological factors, and childhood experiences impact our ability to develop and maintain good mental health. And sometimes life throws us a curve ball and a combination of stressful events can overburden our ability to cope emotionally, triggering anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions.

Researchers have found specific risk factors that can impact mental health. Some, like unaddressed childhood issues, slowly chip away at our ability to cope with life’s problems, creating difficulties years after the actual events took place. Others, like the death of a parent, child or spouse, overwhelm our defenses by the sheer enormity of the event and its impact on our life. Being aware of the following potential risk factors can help us maintain good mental health:

• Lack of connection to a primary caretaker during childhood can have lifelong repercussions. Feelings of loneliness, isolation, confusion, lack of safety or abuse felt as a child can negatively color our behavior into adulthood.
• Serious trauma, death of a parent, war, hospitalization, tragic accidents and other devastating events, particularly during early childhood, can have a  traumatic effect on emotional development.
• Learned helplessness can undermine our faith in our ability to cope with life’s problems. Negative experiences or comments can undermine our confidence in our ability to exert control over our life.
• Chronic or disabling illness can isolate you from other people, denying you the necessary social support of friends and family.
• Medication side effects can affect mental health, particularly in the elderly who generally take multiple medications, creating the potential for problematic drug interactions.
• Alcohol and drug abuse can both cause and exacerbate preexisting mental health problems. Substance abuse can serve as a trigger for latent emotional conditions.

The risk factors that negatively impact our mental health can be counteracted by supportive relationships, a healthy lifestyle, stress management techniques and emotional coping strategies. You may need professional psychiatric help to regain good mental health, but you can improve your psychological well-being. If efforts to improve your mental health have been unsuccessful, it’s time to see a professional psychiatrist and get the help you need.

Learning to Control Anger

Anger is one of our most basic survival instincts. We use anger to protect ourselves from threat and defend ourselves against attack. But losing control of our anger can be physically and psychologically destructive. There are three basic ways people deal with anger:

• Expressing angry feelings assertively but without aggression is the healthiest way to deal with anger. Passion is fine, but not force. Expressing our needs is crucial to our well-being at any time, but particularly when we’re angry. We become angry when we perceive that our needs are not being met in some way. The ability to clearly tell others what we need and how we are feeling is the first step toward getting our needs met. The process helps dissipate and resolve anger as we compromise with others and develop a plan to meet our needs. However, it’s important to be respectful of the needs and boundaries of others.
• Suppressing anger can take two forms.  The most direct form of suppression is when we deny ourselves a way to express and thereby release our anger. When anger is internalized, it can fester and grow, becoming destructive. Redirection is another way of suppressing anger. Rather than confront the source of our anger directly, we channel angry energy into a more constructive activity, such as brisk walking, jogging, sports, house cleaning, gardening, etc. While not addressing the source of our anger or resolving it, redirection provides a non-confrontational release for angry feelings. However, without expression and resolution, anger will return and can become pathological. Suppressed anger can lead to chronic high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, passive-aggressive behavior or a hostile attitude.
• Calming techniques help us calm down and allow our anger to subside. Self-help techniques like meditation, deep breathing, guided imagery and muscle relaxation can be used to help us regain control of our physical and emotional responses to anger, allowing us to let go of anger.

People who are unable to express their anger or unable to  develop effective methods of resolving anger or whose inability to control their anger is affecting their personal relationships may need help learning to control and manage their anger from a board-certified psychiatrist trained in cognitive-behavioral therapy.

Road Rage: Losing Control of Anger

The orange cones are out and the length of your morning commute just doubled. It’s summer in America when construction crews seem to shut down miles of highway to work on one tiny 10-foot section at a time. Slowly snaking traffic plays havoc with your schedule, creating stress and anxiety. You worry about being late for work or an appointment or picking up the kids from daycare; but you can’t make the traffic move any faster, which creates more stress. Then there are the annoying drivers who try to whiz past you on the berm, and those infuriating idiots who streak by in the ever-narrowing left lane to dart into line ahead of you. When traffic snarls, it’s not long before frustrated drivers start snarling too!

We call it road rage and make jokes about it, but mixing anger with highway traffic isn’t funny; it’s a dangerous combination and not just because it so often leads to traffic accidents. Anger makes your heart rate and blood pressure go up. Anger also increases the levels of your “energy” hormones, adrenalin and noradrenalin. While completely normal and entirely human, when anger gets out of hand it can be physically and psychologically destructive.

Aggression is the body’s instinctive response to anger. It’s an ingrained survival instinct that protects us from threat and allows us to defend ourselves, our family and our home — our car — from attack. Anger is a basic survival skill that ensured our ancestors could escape wild beasts and protect themselves from marauding tribes. In today’s world where the predators are less physical and more complex, raw anger can be more of a hindrance than a help in navigating life.

Some people are quicker to anger than others and some lose control of their anger more easily than others. Researchers believe genetics may be a factor, but they are also looking for a physiological trigger, most likely a portion of the brain that governs anger or a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes some people to act more violently than others. The laws and customs of modern society limit the rein we can give our anger, but events, people and orange cones on a crowded summer highway can send anger spinning out of control if we’re not careful. Today, learning to control anger has become a necessary survival skill.

Next time: Learning to Control Anger

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